diagnosed with C-PTSD
Emtional pain
floods me, and
if it is bad enough
I'll dissociate and
feel emotionally
numb for hours
or even days.
Even though I am often exhausted, I have trouble sleeping.
It's hard to feel an emotional connection w/
someone even if I know they care abt me.
My mind has trouble understanding that a relationship is made up of many, many experiences tied together.
The state
of my
relationship
w/ someone
is based on
whatever
happened
between us
the last time we
were together.
I don't understand
the continuity of relationships as a whole.
My self-esteem is very low, and I don't trust my own perceptions.
I'm terrified of
emotional close- ness to some-one b/c I've experienced so
much rejection.
A loss of someone I love feels like a death.
Unlike someone with BPD, I don't self-harm, threaten suicide, or have angry outbursts.
I seek
someone to
nurture
rescue or
help me.
My desire/
need for love/ connection is INCREDIBLY strong/painful
My protective system is stronger.
need for love/ connection is INCREDIBLY strong/painful
My protective system is stronger.
I don't feel entitled to impose on other people to help me when I am suffering.
I have
such deep
emotional
needs I hate.
I hide them
from others.
I choose to suffer alone rather than seek support.
I think I'm likeable,
but only as long
as I can keep up a
mask of normalcy.
Those who have seen
me as competent and
self-reliant can be
quite shocked even
scared if they witness one of my
PTSD-triggered episodes.
I become someone they do not recognize.
No one understands what happened.
No one understands how to help.
I have only partial awareness of what's
happening. I'm not even really there. I'm lost
in a past trauma/ reacting.
After I come out of it, I feel terribly vulnerable and embarrassed, and regret that others witnessed me that way.
This makes me try
harder to keep
up the strong
in-control mask
that hides my inner pain and issues.
Even with hard work in therapy, I am still in need of treatment.
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