told my depressed friend I needed space.

told my depressed friend I needed space. Is this the end of the friendship?

 "compassion burnout".   

Self care will  bring back the balance to your personal life  and needs, which you have neglected.    

(Self care🎯 )

If the crisis is protracted, and the boundaries are blurred, we can wake up one day and think "I just can't do this anymore."  

it's hard to know when to slowly withdraw that extra help they have given, 

/

in order for the person to receive other help and support,  

/

We can only carry someone else for so long before we begin to crack under the strain and feel resentful and "used".

a very good sign;

/ that you see clearly where you overstepped the boundaries.

Your instincts were right. 

A person going through deep depression is very vulnerable and needy,  

so in this situation you needed to be even more careful of  your boundaries

a valuable lesson for the future.   

How to recharge your batteries

1. Self care:

-make a list of things you used to do or enjoy;

-things which will help  you feel refreshed and revived.

  It might be as simple as  

-reading a book,

 -listening to your favorite music, 

-soaking in the bath with a glass of wine,  -having a manicure,  or 

-unwinding by the beach.  It could be some 

-"retail therapy"-  

whatever will help you relax and recharge your batteries.  

Make it a priority to do some of the activities on your list every day.

2. A walk  in the fresh air is very therapeutic. Make sure you include some exercise in your day. 

3.  Change your daily routine. 

even a small change will bring a "freshness" to your soul.

4.   Learn to say no to others and not feel guilty. 

gracefully  establish the necessary boundaries.

5.  When you know you are recovering,   say yes to to new experiences. 

Don't allow burnout to shut you down.   Your instincts will stand you in good stead.  

if you want to keep the friendship,  

it needs to be on a different  footing.  

If you can talk through this with your friend, that's all the better. 

  But  at the moment, your first priority has to be you.  

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

depression/anxiety. This is my perspective

if one of my friends left because my depression/anxiety was getting too much for them. 

(VICTIMHOOD'S RESPONSE🍁 )

/

If you were a person who she trusted a lot and you said that you’d always be there for her, 

People who are depressed often over-analyze situations. To her, she's probably pretty upset right now, and probably is assuming that you no longer want to be friends with her. I know I would.

Why didn’t you tell her when it was getting to be too much for you? 

I am constantly checking in with the friends who help me to make sure that I’m not overwhelming them or forcing them into helping me when they really would rather not be.

 I would ALWAYS want them to tell me if stuff was getting to be too much pressure on them. 

What led you to tell her that you needed space? 

I totally understand that someone’s problems can get to be overwhelming and it can get to the point that it feels like they’re just pilling all of their stuff on you.

She will never understand it all of a sudden that you are leaving her to her own. 

Especially knowing she is not well. 

we don't understand is that of "all of a sudden something changes"... 

we get the feeling that they had been feeling ackward for a while and were sort of scared to tell you, 

yet they don't feel scared to push you away totally. 

People prefer to be told when we are making the mistake

you have to tell her it was your mistake for not setting boundaries at first.

She will think on top of what she has that she ruined the relationship by sharing too much, 

she will feel even more depressed and stupid than ever in her life for thinking she had a friend with who she can talk. 

( missing a therapist one had for free / and object; an ear/ on the flip side

If you are power tripping and think of yourself as a therapist in need of analysisands that's a co-dependent situation)

you worry if that has ruined it forever?

anyway I tried to hide my feeling miserable and made myself a merry company to everyone, 

always telling jokes, always looking happy, always focusing on trying to make other people's life better as a way to avoid feeling my own emptiness, loneliness and dark thoughts

 I genuinely enjoyed laughing and having a great time.

Perhaps you have ruined it but at the same time this could be a wake up call to your friend that she perhaps needs to change about sharing openly all about how she feels and perhaps become herself a less heavy and pessimistic company.

it's true that talking so much about all negative stuff is what attracts more negative emotions into her life.

the truth is that too much talking about depression is bringing me down and I get all sort of negative ideas, and it's all dark and gloomy, and I think we should  limit all that type of conversation to a minimum, because the more you talk about something the bigger it becomes in your head. 

 I think to help you and help myself why don't we talk about more merry stuff to allow more of the good stuff come our way.  

I still love you as a friend and I don't want to loose and I don't want you to lose yourself in such thoughts either"

If she's too negative or depressed for accepting a challenge like that, then perhaps you are doing the right thing, 

you need space and you feel you over-empathized with her and was overly available,

can you change how you interact with her?

Yes, if you change things, as you just did telling her that you need space, it may seem out of the blue to her

 If she honors your wishes, she will leave you alone for awhile. 

If you don't reach out to her at some point or respond to her, if she waits an appropriate time and reaches out to you again, then I guess you will end the friendship.

Before you get to that point, take some time and figure out if this is really a friendship btwn you and her or if you are just the person she complains to all the time.  

Does she offer you the same support you offer her? 

You said you've been there through her darkest times, has she done the same with you 

would she if you were going through a dark time? 

Why do you feel you have over-empathized with her and was overly available? 

Does she suck up a lot of your time complaining to you or needing your help?  

Does she or would she do the same for you?  

If this isn't a two way street, then you don't have a friendship with this woman,

what do you get out of the relationship with this woman?  

Do you get similar support, companionship, and empathy,

 is she as available to you as you have been to her? 

your answers to these questions will drive if you want to resume your contact with this woman or not and if you do, if there are certain boundaries you need to set. 

(BOUNDARIES? I NEED SOME STINKING BOUNDARIES! WHAT ARE THEY? 🍁)