Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

You may be self-sabotaging without even realizing it.

Posted Oct 10, 2017

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201710/why-do-we-self-sabotage-0

 Self-sabotage is  any action that gets in the way 

of your intent.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔, 

💔procrastination, 💔

💔self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, 

💔overeating from stress, 

💔 interpersonal conflict

💟they may

even appear

to calm you

down & 

relax you.💘

🤚self-sabotage builds and can create a deep well of self-defeat that’s hard to climb out of.

So why do we do
this to ourselves?

🚧1. Self-Worth — You feel undeserving of success or happiness. 💜

💌some of the most driven people strive to work hard and aim high, because they feel they need to make up for a self-imposed sense of inadequacy.💚

🌈 But when the fruits 

of their labor lead to

 good things, such as

  a material benefit, 

 increase in status, or power, they make the situation worse for 

themselves. Why is that?🌐

💟cognitive dissonance 💘

 People like to be consistent 🌹— our actions tend to be in sync with our beliefs and values.

 When they aren’t, we make an effort to line them up again. If we start to rack up the victories and accomplishments, 

yet still view ourselves as
 flawed, worthless, 
incapable,  deficient,
 we pull the plug to

 get rid of the dissonance. 💔

💔If it feels bad to fail, it feels even worse to succeed.  👆

💞2. Control — It feels better to control your own failure rather than face the possibility of it blindsiding you and taking you by surprise.

 Self-sabotage

💝it’s better than spinning out of control.

 when you’re steering the ship, going down

 in flames

 feels more

 like a well-maintained 

burn.

💜3. Perceived Fraudulence💜

🌐you feel you only have further to fall when you inevitably come crashing down. If you call attention to your triumphs, it’s more likely you

 will be called out as a fake. This is otherwise

 known as good ol’ impostor syndrome.

How does this manifest?

💔 You may do the bare minimum and hope it goes unnoticed.💚

💚 Or you may push hard & go big but worry 

abt exposure 

💔Either way, feeling like a fraud leads you towards delay & diversion 💔

— if you’re faced with a task that makes you feel like a phony it’s a lot more tempting to refresh Instagram again, research frying pans, or realize there’s no time like the present to immediately start a DIY spice rack project.

 a Handy Scapegoat

 If things aren’t resolved (or when they aren’t resolved, because that’s the only option. 

 right?), one can blame the

action instead of oneself:  she left me b/c I was never around. Of course I failed the class — I barely studied for any exams. 

💝While these reasons may be true, they are more frivolous & easier to come to terms with than the deeper reasons

one wishes to be true.

🌙 Of course she left me — I’m not worthy of love.

👆 Of course I failed the class — I’m incapable of grasping the material.🌙

🚧5. Familiarity — Again, people like to be consistent. We even tend to choose consistency over our own contentment.💜

🤚 If you’re used to being or feeling overlooked, mistreated, or exploited, it’s strangely reassuring to put yourself in that position.🤚

💔 You’ve probably been there your whole life, and while you may not be happy, that which you know is preferable to the unknown.💔

💚6. Sheer boredom — Once in awhile, we self-sabotage simply to push buttons.💚

 Picking a fight and

💘 inciting drama can give a rush, but of course, these are not random acts. Sabotaging ourselves creates the familiar feeling of instability and chaos; plus, if we’re stuck at the bottom, we might as well brandish power while we’re down there.💟

So how can you stop sawing off the tree limb you’re sitting on?

💌 Look at the proverbial root. However your self-sabotage materializes, beat it at the root:🌐 fear of failure.👆

💝Most people think of self-demolition as fear of success. But deep down, despair over achievements isn’t truly a fear of ambition and your own worth —

 🌈it’s a fear of trying one’s best and not succeeding, 💘

💔of being personally let down and publicly humiliated as we worry that our best just might not be good enough.🦋