GRIEF AFTER TRAUMATIC Loss edit 💔🎁❤️💛😂💚💙😱🌹😂🌞🦓🥴💜🌼🌸💟💥🦋🌷💛💙💖🧡💜🦄🦓🐰🦚🐢🦑🐙🦞🌸💐💮🌷🌼

https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/

One cannot underestimate  impact of personal factors as

✔️ emotional regulation, 
✔️cognitive responses, 
✔️secondary stressors, 
✔️coping style,
 ✔️prior history of trauma, and 
✔️access to support and resources in determining how a person responds to an event. 


traumatic if it occurs without warning; 
✔️if it is untimely;
✔️ if it involves violence; 
✔️if there is damage to the loved one’s body; ✔️if it was caused by a perpetrator with the intent to harm; 
✔️if the survivor regards the death as preventable; 
✔️if the survivor believes that the loved one suffered; or
✔️ if the survivor regards the death, or manner of death, as unfair and unjust.”

other trauma risk factors include:

✔️Having to make medical decisions about life support, organ donation, etc
✔️Uncertainty about whether the person has a died (ex. they are missing; ✔️information about their condition has not been disclosed)
✔️Media attention
✔️Limited opportunities for social support
✔️Being blamed for the death
✔️Prolonged court proceedings
✔️Having a prior history trauma

The experiences of

 trauma /grief

 are two different things                                unto themselves

yet after a traumatic death, they get thrown into one big emotional blender. 

Things get tangled, 
thoughts and emotions get fused,
  people sometimes find themselves utterly stuck.

  Understandably, it is not uncommon for people who’ve experienced a traumatic death to experience significantly more intense, pervasive, and prolonged symptoms.

something that feels

 profoundly meaningless/unjust, 

♦️can shatter each of these assumptions and
 lead to a sense that the world is unsafe and unpredictable, 

♦️that others are malicious and evil, and 

♦️that one is powerless in protecting themselves.  

Going along with this, it is also common for one to;

♦️question their faith and to 

♦️feel abandoned by God after experiencing a traumatic event.

Overthinking when in pain:

overthinking/ 

✔️dwell on,
 ✔️brood on/, 
✔️agonize over, 
✔️worry about, 
✔️chew over, 
✔️puzzle over

they seek to answer questions such as…

Why did this happen?

Who is to blame?

Did my loved one suffer?

Could their death have been prevented?

Did they know they were going to die?

Were they afraid?

What is the meaning, reason, or purpose for all of this?

Death wishing Behavior/Counterintuitive self soothing Behavior

Retreating to Old routines/ 

destructive patterns

Returning bad habits 

things that don't work 

self-sabotage

 isolating

randomness and senselessness of the trauma death as well as the pain of imagining what it must have been like for their loved one at the time of:

♦️abuse 
♦️betrayal, 
♦️abandonment
♦️injuring them, 
♦️malicious intentions to hurt them causing or contributing to their death.

Possible payoff from
reward for such Behavior? 

♦️Projection of One's Own feelings of shame/guilt and

♦️transfers feelings of worthlessness onto a helpless victim

♦️Don't have to take responsibility 

♦️finding somebody else to blame and
♦️ punishing them 

♦️dualistic thinking makes things simple 

♦️one feels just and righteous that 
♦️one doesn't have to change

♦️ rationalizations hold up one's specious reality

♦️Wholehearted and joyful feelings that one will get one's Revenge

mourners often
 feel as though they are going crazy,

one might feel guilty for circumstances that preceded the death but which could have played a part in the chain of events


🐰🦚💐🦓🦄💜🧡💖💙💛🦋💥💟🥴🌞🧼🥔🙂♦️🌼🌷💔🌻🌼🌷🍂🍁🥑🍉🍇🧿🧵🎨🎭

GRIEF AFTER TRAUMATIC LOSS

https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/

one might feel guilty for circumstances that preceded the death but which could have played a part in the chain of events

make appraisals about the inadequacy of their own actions, feelings, and behaviors at the time of the death

thoughts about guilt and self-blame can impact how a person adjusts to bereavement and are often associated with feelings of depression and anxiety.

Fear of grief and trauma reactions

mourners often feel as though they are going crazy,

intensified and prolonged grief/trauma reactions interprets their symptoms as;

dangerous,

 threatening, or 

indicative of a larger mental or physical problem, 

they are more likely to fear and inhibit their reactions.

add to existing emotion by causing additional 
anxiety, 
depression, 
anger or 
shame

engage in maladaptive and persistent avoidance of triggers or reminders /
which prevent the mourner from finding meaningful ways to continue their bond with their loved one.

Poor social support:

don’t receive effective support:

People don’t know how to provide grief support

People make comments that 
minimize grief,. 

discourage expression of grief and 

discussion of loved ones, and push mourners to move on

The bereaved may be inclined to physically and emotionally isolate, 

especially when they feel misunderstand by others

The bereaved may feel they 

feel ashamed, 

abnormal, or 

weak because they continue to struggle

The bereaved may seek support from therapists who are not trained in grief and/or trauma

Avoidance of trauma and/or grief related triggers prevent the bereaved from engaging with others

How do I cope?

♦️ coping styles, 

♦️self-care,

♦️ understanding avoidance,

♦️secondary loss,

♦️guilt and grief, 

♦️positives and pitfalls of support groups, and

♦️ identifying an effective support system.

https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-made-me-feel-ugly/

It is more comfortable to imagine grief as tidy and poised than ugly and messy and sometimes mean.

grief feels more like a botchy, swollen, snotty, red-face over a pint of Ben and Jerry’s next to a growing mountain of dirty laundry.

sometimes make you feel [& act] like
you’re a bad person.

You are just a normal person dealing with the sometimes bad thoughts grief creates.

most common grief-thoughtsthat make grievers feel bad, guilty
and not like themselves

these are better faced and coped with

jealous;
know this as, “I want to be happy that you’re happy, but instead I feel kind of bitter and resentful”.

Example:
Your mother/father/son/daughter died. It’s mother’s day/father’s day and everyone is *so* excited to spend it with their mother/father/son/daughter

You feel entitled:
To not be given tasks or challenges that others do not have to face.

To be given answers to the question "why me." 

To get revenge

To make somebody else make pay for my mistakes

To get and have whatever I want

To take whatever I want from anyone I feel I can overpower and manipulate. 

When I feel bad I can make somebody else feel worse by taking it out on them

I can be cruel or even kill without consequences

I'm always right in the way I use and abuse others: they deserve it

Life owes me something

I should be able to use, drink, gamble or sex because I've had it hard and that would make up for some of my losses

thoughts about suicide:

No way to win

No energy to cope

Helplessness / suffering without respite

scared or embarrassed to speak up or seek help

remember: Hope is real. Help is real:

SO. ANGRY.

Your soul has been murdered
You are angry at the person who died.  

angry at the doctors/ therapists
family

angry at people for asking how you are doing and have no capacity / depth to understand how you're doing / really don't want to know

angry at God for taking your loved one/you

Angry that it's so hard to cope 

https://whatsyourgrief.com/all-about-anger/

a problem with substances/ behaviors
Tolerance for drugs and alcohol increase
Risk behaviors increase
Malicious behavior
Suicide / homicide

emotions out of control
Irritability
Delusions / hallucinations
Dissociative Behavior
Identity crisis
Triggers
Depression
Cognitive impairments
Anxiety / panic attacks

Judgmentalism
Other people are shallow and Clueless

grief makes you feel crazy, erratic, selfish, judgemental

Facing the ugly thoughts, talking about them, and acknowledging that none of them make you a bad person is important

Comments:
The brutal unfairness and cruelty of the world has just overwhelmed me. I keep wanting to pray that God take away my bitterness and my anger before I damn myself, but I don’t trust Him enough to talk to him anymore.

I don’t want to make myself a target.

I wish I could just die and get it the fuck over with.

🧼💔
feel guilty sometimes for being so angry and judgy and jealous
often put on a ¨mask¨ when going out in public and so people think (and say): ¨she is coping so well.¨ how can we know how to do this, get through this, I just bear the pain and get through each day.
💔🧼
death and grieving are NOT openly talked, about. It is a private pain you can’t burden your close ones with.
have tremendous anger issues. Suicide always wavering in the shadow. Pain lets me forget emotional turmoil.🧼💔

Let yourself grieve. It’ll happen in phases
have a little fun, every once in a while, too
Grieving is exhausting
YOUR HEALTH sometimes
feelings of
being cheated
remember a time when you/ they were happy.
This process will change you forever. That’s okay.
You’re not damaged- you’ve grown
If you’re feeling worthless, try helping out a friend in need, or a stranger
I’m feeling happy that I’ve grown less self-obsessed and that I can take pleasure out of helping others.💔🧼
Feeling abandoned.
colleagues / friends (?) stopped staying in touch🧼💔

they didn’t know how to deal but neither did I! No one gives us a guidebook or training for that or losing 💔🧼

A loss like that is beyond what most people know. You know it. Intimately. People, family, community abandon other people going through such things. It always happens to those who sustain such catastrophic losses. One thing I’m sure trying to cope w/all my life is this fact
🧼💔

Every time...
they either redirect me away from my sad shitty feelings or outright judge them
I want the permission to feel my current, ugly, uncomfortable feelings!
💔🧼

hard to really care about anything,
though I pretend to.
is this how it will be for the rest of my life?
Everything is colored by my loss
🧼💔

I have to force myself to listen, look happy and be happy for them.
can’t wait for them to go away. I hate being like this. It’s not who I used to be
💔🧼

traumatic event happen to her
She was the never the same. She was taken from me and I feel robbed.
🧼💔

I haven’t been able to forgive them
How do you forgive someone committing an act that random and that evil?
That’s one of the ugly ways I feel.
💔🧼

having to watch the murder over and over again
🧼💔

He asked for God’s Will to be done on earth and died in a terrorist act. I don’t understand it at all.
made my “Faith” almost nonexistent.
I’ve been unable to “trust God
💔🧼

My faith has certainly dwindled,
been unable to pray
Others aren't able to tolerate your lack of faith
This is the time when we need the most support!
🧼💔

I kept thinking that it would end or it would get easier, and no one could tell me how or when, ideas I felt that if I had I could process everything better
💔🧼
Minimizing loss: "not everyone gets that kind of a relationship with their mother be grateful"
canned remarks’ really don’t mean anything
say ” I’m fine” because that’s what they want to hear…..
🧼💔

I smile through gritted teeth an tears.
💔🧼

People tend to magnify their insignificant problems until they experience something truly devastating
Loss/completely readjusted my thinking about what matters, and what does not.
🧼💔

…it’s just not fair
🧼💔

It is so wrong to not acknowledge the pain.
Face whatever the bad is and own it. The pain never goes away, you don’t get over it, but you can learn to not let it consume the good of today
🧼💔

https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-made-me-feel-ugly/#comment-48227