Letter to a survivor of first onset depression

College student experiencing first onset of major depression;

/The only thing that makes me feel even the slightest bit of joy is sleeping...
 I’m only ever on autopilot...
 I’m not anything but a hermit in my own room...
 I can never have an actual conversation with anyone over this without being looked down upon or criticized… /

I recognize myself (my first
 experience of major depression 
in college age 18.) in what you post
 here. 50+ years ago i was in the
 process of trying to get over the trauma/self hate /get out of the 
way of a new life I had never 
known. The first onset of major depression was devastating. (There 
is a predictable pattern here I didn't 
know about then). MHO though I
 wouldn't choose it I think it's the 
most important issue in my life! Counterintuitively it's a precious 
thing to me nowadays. It's my 
authentic experience. It's what
makes me me.

 I have this in common 
with every one who's been
young/fighting a disease/disability. 

The worth of it may not be observed
 by an ordinary person. That's why you can't relate to your own reality. If you're like me you've probably passed as near normal never knowing acceptance even from yourself! 

I'm only now reaping a reward from my experience existing/

surviving 'victimhood'. I learned mainly to not give my power away to anyone not going through what I've been through/am going through. Most people don't know/don't want to know/ haven't got anything to teach you. 

You are 

pioneering new territory. 'Pages you are years from learning' are your college now. MHO if you want to survive this phase of your life you are becoming stronger/braver/more compassionate than anyone you've known.